Why does insecurity ruin relationships? Because it prevents intimacy. You long to be close, but you also fear being close. You long to have intimacy with others, but it also scares you to death.

You can’t get close to someone if there’s fear in the relationship. This is why living together doesn’t work in the long run. There’s no lifetime commitment. You never know when somebody is going to walk out.

But fear vanishes, and intimacy—real intimacy—rises when two people say, “We’re committed no matter what. We’re going to make this thing work.”

What do you fear in your relationships? Maybe you don’t want people to find out what you’re really like—so you hide yourself. This is the oldest fear, all the way back to Adam, the first man. He said, “I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid” (Genesis 3:10 NIV).

When you’re afraid, you get insecure and hide who you are. You cover up, not just physically but emotionally. You build walls around yourself and pretend to be someone you’re not.

But while insecurity ruins relationships, love builds them up. The Bible says in 1 John 4:18, “Love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.  If we are afraid . . . this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love” (NLT). Love takes the focus off you and puts the focus on the other person.

People often ask pastors: “Do you ever get nervous talking in front of a lot of people?” Of course we do! But the minute we think about how much we love our people, instead of being worried about what they think of our clothes or car or speaking style, fear goes out the back door.

But the only way to love others is to realize that God loves you more than you can ever imagine. Suddenly, you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone anymore, and your identity and self-worth aren’t caught up in what others think. Instead, they’re caught up in your relationship with Jesus.

You may have had some relational disasters in your life. Welcome to the human race. But in order to open up to others and fight insecurity, God wants you to first open up to Jesus, letting him fill you with his love so you can share it with others.