These days, we don’t buy because somebody’s giving us a sales pitch. We buy because someone recommended it. Your friends recommend a certain car, movie, or restaurant, and that’s enough to make you want to try it or even buy it. Why? Because their approach was gentle, with no agenda. It’s far more persuasive.

Proverbs 25:15 says, “Gentle speech breaks down rigid defenses” (The Message). Do you want to convince a family member or close friend to do something? Don’t go with the hard sell. Even when people have their guard up, gentle speech will get their attention because gentleness breaks down rigid defenses.

So if you’re a parent, screaming never works—even with the most stubborn child. Never discipline in anger or frustration. Always discipline in love and with gentleness. The New Century Version translation of Proverbs 25:15 says, “A gentle word can get through to the hard-headed.”

If I want to persuade people in my church to live more for Jesus Christ, I must do it in a gentle way. I could stand on stage every weekend and say, “Let me tell you all the things that you’re doing wrong,” but that way of talking just builds emotional barriers. People would probably stop coming to church! It doesn’t work in the pulpit, it doesn’t work in the home, and it doesn’t work with your boss. Nagging never works.

But gentleness is persuasive. The Bible says in Proverbs 16:21, “A wise, mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is” (GNT).

This is the mark of maturity. Wise, mature people are pleasant. Fools are rude. You’re never persuasive when you’re abrasive.