Selflessness brings out the best in people. It builds relationships. What does it mean to be selfless? It means you think of yourself a little less often and others a little more often.

The opposite of selflessness is selfishness. It’s the number one cause of conflict and arguments. The Bible says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? . . . You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight” (James 4:1-2 NIV).

Self-centeredness destroys relationships.

One night I got into bed about three seconds before Kay did. When she got into bed, she asked if I locked all the doors. But in those three seconds, I pretended to be almost asleep and whispered, “No.” She then got up and locked all the doors. There’s a word for what I did—selfish, pure and simple.

The problem is, being selfish is human nature. We naturally think about our own interests, our own hurts, how we look, and how we feel. Even culture tells us: “Do what you think is best for you.” But the Bible says, “Look out for one another’s interests, not just for your own.” (Philippians 2:4 GNT).

What happens when you “look out for one another’s interests, not just for your own”? Not only will it transform your relationships—but it also will transform individual people. When you’re not the same person, other people change, too, because they relate to you in new, different ways.

I’ve seen it many times: When you treat cranky, unlikable people with kindness, instead of treating them the way they deserve, they often transform into nice people.

The greatest lesson in life is learning to be unselfish—but it won’t happen overnight. It’s going to take the rest of your life.

The good news is, God doesn’t leave you all alone to learn how to be selfless. Romans 8:26 says, “The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness” (NLT).

Never stop making the effort to be more selfless. God’s Spirit is with you to help you break the cycle of selfishness! And as you do, you’ll see transformation in all your relationships.