The reason so many marriages struggle is that mates are reacting to each other from their mind rather than their heart. When your wife says, “I feel depressed,” listen to her; it’s legitimate. When your husband says, “I don’t feel this is the right thing to do; we ought to do it this other way,” listen to him.

Heart love begins with understanding why someone feels the way they do. Ask questions and then listen. Hear the hurt, look for the problems, know what makes your mate tick. You need to understand the moods of the people closest to you, why they act the way they do. If you care, you’ll be aware.

How do you love people that you find unlovable, even when you do understand them and their moods? “God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:8 NIV). In Greek, the word affection is the word for intestines. In Greek society, the Greeks thought that the seat of the emotions was in your stomach, your liver, your internal organs.

Paul was saying, “I’ve got a gut feeling of love for you.” That is not a natural kind of love. It is a supernatural kind of love. That’s why Paul said it’s not from himself, but it’s the affection of Christ Jesus. Human love wears out and dries up and dies on the vine. The only kind of love that lasts in spite of heartache and difficulty in tough circumstances is God’s love—the affection of Jesus Christ.

So how do you get this kind of gut love? “God has poured out his love into our hearts by means of the Holy Spirit, who is God’s gift to us” (Romans 5:5 GNT). God’s love is not something you work up. It is something that is poured into you by the Holy Spirit as you let him live in you day by day.