Although God could instantly transform you, he has chosen to develop you slowly.

This is how you see him work throughout the Bible. God allowed the Israelites to take over the Promised Land “little by little” so they wouldn’t be overwhelmed (Deuteronomy 7:22). Jesus was deliberate in developing his disciples. In the same way, God prefers to work in incremental steps in your life.

Why does it take so long to change and grow up? There are several reasons:

We are slow learners. People often have to relearn a lesson 40 or 50 times to really get it. The problems keep recurring, and you think, “Not again! I’ve already learned that!” But God knows better. The history of Israel illustrates how quickly we forget the lessons God teaches us and how soon we revert to our old patterns of behavior. We need repeated exposure.

We have a lot to unlearn. Since most of your problems—and all of your bad habits—didn’t develop overnight, it’s unrealistic to expect them go away immediately. There is no pill, prayer, or principle that will instantly undo the damage of many years. It requires the hard work of removal and replacement. The Bible calls it “taking off the old self” and “putting on the new self” (Romans 13:12; Ephesians 4:22-24; Colossians 3:7-10, 14).

Growth is often painful and scary. There is no growth without change, no change without fear or loss, and no loss without pain. Every change involves a loss of some kind. People fear these losses. Even if your old ways were self-defeating, they were at least comfortable and familiar, like a worn-out pair of shoes.

Good habits take time to develop. Your character is the sum total of your habits. You can’t claim to be kind unless you are habitually kind. Your habits define your character.

There is only one way to develop the habits of Christlike character: You must practice them—and that takes time! There are no instant habits. Paul urged Timothy, “Practice these things. Devote your life to them so that everyone can see your progress” (1 Timothy 4:15 GW).