You’re never going to live in harmony with your spouse, your friends, or anybody else without empathy. You can’t have a team without being aware of what’s happening with your teammates. That’s why when people work together in an office, they may do work together, but they’re not a team unless they know what’s going on in each other’s lives.

Empathy is so important because it meets two of our deepest needs: the fundamental need to be understood and a deep need to have our feelings validated.

So how do you become an empathetic person?

Slow down.
Because our culture teaches us to move fast, we end up relationally skimming. That means you’re hitting the high points and missing all kinds of details in the lives of people you care about most. James 1:19 says, “You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry” (NLT). 

Ask questions.
Proverbs 20:5 says, “A person’s thoughts are like water in a deep well, but someone with insight can draw them out” (GNT). Most people hold their emotions pretty close, and they don’t automatically share how they’re doing. “I’m fine” is the standard answer, but that doesn’t really tell you how they feel. 

If you ask, ”How are you doing?” and the other person says, “I’m fine,” here’s how you draw out a more telling response: Learn to ask the question twice. Pause and say, “No, how are you really doing?”  

The other thing you do is learn to linger. That means don’t be afraid of silence. Be in the moment, ask the question, and don’t immediately go into your agenda. Just listen and learn.

Show emotions.
The Bible says in Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (NASB). Empathy is more than saying, “I’m sorry you hurt.” It’s saying, “I hurt with you.” You’re willing to cry with them, and you’re willing to rejoice with them. 

There’s only one way you’re going to be that empathetic: Stay in communion with God. That means start your day with a quiet time, talk to God in prayer throughout your day, and encourage and be encouraged by your small group and Christian friends. 

“All of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble” (1 Peter 3:8 NIV).