To Resolve Conflict, Start with What’s Your Fault

One of the most important life skills that you have to learn is conflict resolution. If you don’t, you’re going to spend a lot of your life miserable, because we’re imperfect people and we have conflict almost every day of our lives.

If you want to resolve conflict, you’re going to have to make the first move. That means you’re going to have to ask for God’s help, because it takes courage to approach someone you are in conflict with and tell that person you want to sit down and work it out.

 Then, you don’t start with what the other person has done wrong. You don’t start with a bunch of accusations or ways that you’ve been hurt. You start with what’s your fault.

The conflict might be 99.99 percent the other person’s fault. But you can always find something to confess! Maybe it was your poor response, even if it came out of defensiveness. Maybe it was your attitude. Maybe it was the way you walked away.

You have weaknesses in your life that others see clearly but you’ve never seen. Those are your blind spots. You have weaknesses you’re clueless about. That’s why you need to come to conflict resolution with a humble heart and begin with your own faults.

Jesus said, “Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? . . . You hypocrite! First, take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your friend’s eye” (Matthew 7:3, 5 NCV).

He’s saying you need to confess your part of the conflict first. What’s the piece of wood in your eye that is keeping you from seeing the situation clearly? Don’t start with the other person and all the ways they’ve hurt you until you’ve confessed your part of the conflict first.

Did you cause conflict by being insensitive? Or were you overly sensitive? Did you not show compassion for the person who was hurting? Were you being overly demanding? What are your blind spots? Once you figure them out and confess them, you’ll be ready for the next step in conflict resolution.