You Can’t Love People Without Listening to Them

Listening is probably the most important skill in building friendships and relationships, because you can’t love people without listening to them.

There’s a big difference between hearing and listening. You can hear something and not really be listening. I can’t tell you how many arguments I’ve had with my kids or my wife because I was listening to the words instead of the emotions. Sometimes the words don’t even matter. Somebody can say to you, “I’m fine,” but the way they say it tells you they’re not fine. Listening means you also hear what the person isn’t saying.

That’s called empathy. Empathy means to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and learn their point of view. You ask yourself, “How would I feel if I were in that situation?”

Listening with empathy means you listen without interruption and you listen for fears and feelings. You listen for what they aren’t saying. You’re not trying to fix the situation. Sometimes healing comes just by listening!

Romans 15:2 says, “We must bear the ‘burden’ of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others” (TLB).

What does it mean to be considerate or to bear the burden of a doubt of others? It means that when people are in so much pain and hurting so badly that they don’t even know what they believe, they need the devotion of a loyal friend—someone who will be present and listen with empathy.