Let God Guide Your Choices

If you wait for the perfect wife or the perfect husband, you’ll never find them. Let me tell you why: No one is perfect. We’re all broken.

And that’s okay. God loves you, despite your brokenness. But you need to understand that anyone you marry will be broken too.

Here’s where you need to be careful. Although everyone is broken, some people have a lot more healing to do. They aren’t ready for a relationship. And you need to avoid them as life partners no matter how good-looking, rich, or nice they are.

Before you enter into a long-term relationship, you need to understand the emotional health of your potential partner. Study after study has shown that 80 percent of all separations and divorces happen because one or both of the partners are emotionally unhealthy.

Drawn from Scripture, here’s a partial checklist of emotional health factors to look out for:

Look for a spouse who tells the truth. Proverbs 20:7 says this: “A righteous person lives on the basis of his integrity. Blessed are his children after he is gone” (GW). When it comes to a spouse, love is based on trust, and trust is based on truth. If you don’t tell me the truth, I can’t trust you. And if I can’t trust you, how can I love you?

Look for a spouse who is generous and kind. The Bible says, “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed” (Proverbs 11:25 NIV). It also says, “Those who are kind benefit themselves, but the cruel bring ruin on themselves” (Proverbs 11:17 NIV).

Look for a spouse who controls their anger. Proverbs 22:24 says, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered” (NIV). Uncontrolled anger reveals deep insecurity and low self-worth.

Look for a spouse who is not stuck in an addiction. Proverbs 23:20 says, “Don’t associate with people who drink too much wine or stuff themselves with food” (GNT). Only two things—food and alcohol—are mentioned here, but there are hundreds of ways to be addicted.

Look for a spouse who does not harbor bitterness. Bitterness is like a poison. It eats you alive. The Bible says in Hebrews 12:15, “Guard against turning back from the grace of God. Let no one become like a bitter plant that grows up and causes many troubles with its poison” (GNT).

Look for a spouse who is not selfish. Proverbs 28:25 says, “Selfishness only causes trouble” (GNT). When it comes down to it, the number one cause of conflict in marriage is selfishness.

Look for a spouse who is not greedy. Proverbs 15:27 says, “Greed brings grief to the whole family” (NLT). If you marry a greedy spouse, you will be in debt your entire life.

You might be thinking, “This sure is a long list, Rick. I’m not sure if I’ll ever find anybody who fits this.” But I did. And you can too.

When Kay and I got married, Leonard Ravenhill, the great twentieth-century evangelist and author, sent us a wedding card. I’ve never forgotten what it said: “God always gives his best to those who follow his wisdom.”

And God will give you his best as you seek his guidance and follow him in obedience. “Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you” (Deuteronomy 31:8 NLT).